When it comes to human relationships, we often hear the phrase - "Opposites attract". And also that "Two sharp stones do not grind flour"as well as two soft. Which immediately leads us to think that it would be difficult to get along with a person who is very similar to us. If you remember, as children we have all always tried to find such friends who have the same interests, tastes and thoughts as ours. Over time, however, these things change.
Surely it has happened to you that a stranger annoys you terribly without realizing why. For example, a woman may seem too pretentious, arrogant, or in love with herself. However, if you draw a parallel between it and yourself, you will find that in it you are irritated by exactly those traits that you yourself possess. It annoys you that it immediately sticks to the mirror, if there is one in the room. Don't you do the same? It annoys you that he uses other people's quotes to shine with intellect. Don't you do the same?
This happens because you see a mirror image of yourself with all your features, which for one reason or another you deny to yourself or push them into the subconscious as a protective mechanism. Everyone gets very angry when they are called selfish. Why? Not because it's so bad to be selfish, but because they don't realize they are. The image of ourselves is never identical to the image of others of us, and this is normal. But at some point we may begin to blame others for the selfishness we actually possess. This is called projection.
Interpreters of psychoanalysis view projections as subconscious defense mechanism. The projection is expressed in attributing various negative qualities to others in order to justify their rejection of the individual. This can happen in several ways:
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- by attributive projection - when we unconsciously reject our own negative traits and attribute them to others.
- rationalist projection - we are aware of only some of our negative qualities and justify them with thoughts like "everyone does".
- complementary (mutually complementary) projection - we project on the other such features, which are additional as the content of our own. For example, a person who is afraid tends to attribute aggression to others. In this way, attributing a trait allows us to justify our own mental state. In other words, to interpret, in a self-pleasing spirit, our own real shortcomings as merits.
- the similative projection - implies the attribution of mental qualities to the principle of similarity: "As the parent - so is the child."
As long as attributing traits of our character to others remains an unconscious or partly unconscious process, there will always be difficulties in communicating with them and we will feel affected, belittled, or insufficiently significant. However, others can be seen as the perfect mirror image of ourselves, and thanks to communication with them to discover our own shortcomings and with a little more work on ourselves and perseverance, to be able to change them.
Then our relationships with others will change and we will be able to achieve much deeper intimacy and sincerity without feeling neglected. The tension will soon disappear and the conversations will become constructive and meaningful experiences with which we will grow and bring us satisfaction, not anger, tears and shame.
Because, as Indian alternative physician and writer Deepak Chopra says, "Those we love and those we can't stand are all our mirror images." If we hate them, we hate ourselves, and that leads to our self-destruction. . If we do not like a certain trait of the character of others, we must first look within ourselves. Most likely we have exactly this trait and our intolerance of it, seeing it in others, comes to show us that it is time to say goodbye to it, not to people. And this inspection should be done often! Just as we weed flowers so that they are not suffocated by weeds, weeds and so that they can bloom in their most beautiful colors, so we must weed within ourselves.
The more and different people we interact with, the more unknown aspects of our own nature we will discover. Because the mirror will always work and will help us to look inside. It will appear in every conversation and every person we meet along the way. And when something irritates us in someone, we should not judge him, but smile mentally and say to ourselves: But it's just me, it's time for a change!
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