photo: Pablo Heimplatz @unsplash

"A breastless woman is like a yogurt without yogurt!… Why are you spoiling everything?" - these were the last words I heard from Mr. Doctor before the anesthetic completely wiped out my mind. Words that made me and all the other girls decide to resort to silicone.


"I do not understand why you want to remove them ?!" - was the wholehearted response of a respected plastic surgeon in the city at my first consultation. - "Do you know how ugly it will be? You're still young, think! New implants come with a lifetime warranty, put on once and forget! "


I felt my whole being shrink at those words. Shame and fear of rejection, and mockery, crashed on me with all my might. For a moment, I became the unsure teenager of the recent past, forgetting the mind and the word, and the doctor continued, "Think! What's wrong? Are you breastfeeding? No problem with it! If you want to have children, you won't have any problems with the new implants at all! It won't hurt even by changing them. I'll make you a big discount too! Don't tell me now, think! "


"All right, I'll think so!" I managed to mutter and headed for the door. I did not expect such aggressive persuasion on the part of Mr. Doctor… I needed to disappear from his office and take a breath of fresh air.

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photo: Ivan Dodig @unsplash

I never told him that I wanted to remove them, because I finally realized that he could not, and did not need, all people to like my breasts. The only important thing is that I like myself and accept myself as I am. I am now in a stage in my life that I want exactly that!


I got in the car, genuinely hesitant, confused and uncertain of myself. My head started making arguments in favor of preserving implants. I gave up thinking and thinking about it now. It was better to make a decision by calming down and clearing my mind.


At such times, the only and most important question is: "Why?"


I had long since realized that the only reason I wanted to have artificially inflated breasts was fear. The fear that I will not have value as a woman or what is called will be "bare water - kefir without milk." The fear that others will not accept me will make fun of me and comment behind my back… The fear that I myself will never be perceived… The fear of feeling ashamed that you are different from the generally accepted standard of femininity and sex appeal… All this fear was reopened after the doctor's visit. Fear is a good thing when it protects you from bears in the forest, but not in this case.


After many years of self-knowledge and cultivation, I have more or less learned not to make decisions that arise out of unfounded fear.


In the end, I decided that whatever was going to happen, I wanted to be me! Loving yourself is the real challenge in today's age of mass worship, standardized beauty and complete idolization of superficial values.


The truth is that the moment I put them on, almost 10 years ago, I realized that nothing had changed except that I could now wear a bra. My inner world, my inner fluctuations and insecurities remained there. My desire to please everyone and my insecurity when this was not happening also stayed there. The shame that I was different and the fear of ridicule also remained there. But this time - fear that my loved ones will criticize my decision and I'm ashamed that I have succumbed to my complexes ... No pleasure at all! This is the biggest lesson I've learned from all this work.


I reserved a date for the operation. Until the end, they tried to dissuade me in the clinic with all sorts of arguments. At the same time, I sensed side conversations between the staff: - Who was so fat… Who needed what procedure to do… Who needed to improve what…


I opened my eyes slowly - I was on the bed in the hospital room. I woke up with a smile and felt pleased. After a few days, I removed the bandage for the first time, standing in front of the mirror, in humble anticipation of the worst view that my doctor had painted in the most picturesque way. With a pleasant surprise, I found that the doctor had exaggerated many times. In fact, it doesn't make much difference to my appearance from pre-implantation.


I liked it! For the first time in my life as an adult, I liked myself the way I am!

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